`` Broken Heart ``

We quarrel again. This problem always make our relationship become worse.

I really tried very hard. But why he want me to be like this?

Being fake all the time is already very suffering.

Every time pretend that I'm okay but actually I'm not okay.

What do he want from me now?

He said he want freedom, I gave him freedom.

He said want to do this and do that, fine, I gave him.

But in return what he gave me back?

A broken heart?

Yeaa.. I'm jealous.

I jealous his friends very much.

You know why?

Whenever I wanted to go out with him during the weekends

he said he need to ask his mother permission.

Okay fine. Than later his answer is no.

I don't know his mother said no or he who said no.

But whenever he go out with his friends,

every time also yes.

Is so hard for me to go out with him during the weekends.

When I've the chance to go out during the weekends

he will say cannot or no.

All he want is just go out with his friends.

Friends friends friends!

Me?

Just a SHIT!

I still got many places wanted to go with him.

I wish we can go together but because he act like this,

my hope towards him has gone. TOTALLY GONE!

He said he care about me.

But does he care about my feelings?

He always ask me, What's wrong with me?

If got anything must tell him.

But sometimes I asked myself,

If I tell him, will he do it?

Will he do what I said?

No!

So why do I want to tell him my feelings?

Whenever a guy have what they want,

they will slowly change.

Trying so hard to do something that I don't like just because I wanted him to be happy.

Huuuhhh! Is so hard for me to do that.

But what to do? 

If I don't do this he will blame me

for not giving him freedom.

Sigh!

Now, I really don't DARE to say that I miss him anymore.

Just because he said he wants freedom so badly,

now I tell myself that I don't miss him anymore.

If I miss him, the person who hurt is me not him.

Actually he really don't know what I want.

Is not that I didn't tell him.

Is that he don't really care about me.

If he care's, he will find out what I want.

Now I can see that he want friends more than me.

Whenever I wrote my feelings on my facebook wall,

he will scold me. 

He scolded me that whenever I wrote like that his friends will ask him many things

and he don't know how to answer.

Am I making you feel so a shame in front of your friends?

Sigh!

Feel like forgetting everything that happen and start all over again.

But sometimes I asked myself why do I do what he asked?

why am I so stupid?

he is just a human like everybody.

What's the different?

Because my love to him is super deep.

And that's why it is different from others

but why do he keep on hurting me and do the things which will hurt me a lot

even though he know that I love him so much?

Is it very fun to see your loved one to be hurt?

Sometimes I do feel fed up.

But what to do?

need to be stupid all the time and need to be fake all the time.

Just to see him happy that's all.

STUPID me! 

``Broken Heart``